<![CDATA[Sad Goose Cooperative

<![CDATA[Sad Goose Cooperative - Posts]]>Sun, 07 Jun 2026 23:39:31 -0500Weebly<![CDATA[Inappropriate Pies]]>Sat, 19 Nov 2022 22:00:00 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/inappropriate-pieswritten by Clair Willden

Has your family asked you to be in charge of dessert this year? Are you looking to spice up your family gatherings with some new and fresh pie flavors? Well here at Sad Goose, we came up with the least appropriate pies imaginable to make your family meal shine. Think of grandma’s face when you bring THESE pies around!

]]><![CDATA[Ghost Adventures Bingo]]>Tue, 25 Oct 2022 17:00:00 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/ghost-adventures-bingocompiled by Haley Parson and Clair Willden

The Travel Channel's Ghost Adventures starring Zak Bagans is a favorite here at the Cooperative. So much so that to celebrate this scary Halloween month, we have put together a Ghost Adventures bingo sheet.

Have even more fun watching Ghost Adventures with your friends. Play this game as you watch each episode (and feel free to take a drink every time you check a box).

]]><![CDATA[ISideWith: Supreme Thing Which Goes Bump In The Night]]>Sun, 02 Oct 2022 02:00:00 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/isidewith-supreme-thing-which-goes-bump-in-the-nightwritten by Luke Hauge, Lore Andreassen, and Clair Willden

]]><![CDATA["Labyrinth and the Minotaur" Review]]>Fri, 26 Aug 2022 21:03:38 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/labyrinth-and-the-minotaur-reviewReview of Mixed Blood Theater's "Labyrinth and the Minotaur"
by Jerome Berglund

Where to begin describing the Mixed Blood Theater’s “Labyrinth and the Minotaur” project which opened last Saturday after four years in the making—originally set to go into rehearsals two annum back, before Covid thrust the world into disarray—which uses a backdrop of familiar Greek myths to explore and dissect the baffling fatalism and insidious stigma associated with our modern prison industrial complex, the myriad convoluted snares which surprise and hold firmly to entrap not just those incarcerated themselves, but all relations, victims, and participants in the criminal justice system in a deeply flawed, arguably counterproductive institution which evolved misguidedly and spread across our planet like a cancerous tumor, the treatment of which has become increasingly impractical and intimidating to conceive of?

Through a cast of legendary figures (reimagining each as a different archetypal analogue playing a different role in the penal opera, with Theseus as inmate, Pirithious his childhood friend turned corrections then probation officer, Ariadne as romantic partner and critical connection—“thread” to follow—to the outside world and redemption, Icarus as detached, apologist architect who inherited and manages the grotesque machinery as best he can; an ombudsperson narrates) the play ambitiously communicates every imaginable perspective, captures strongly their nuances and intricacies, demonstrates admirable empathy in remaining honest and transparent about the ostensible good intention of each individual while navigating impossible, ugly practicalities which have no simple solution, are each alternate approaches to triage trying to make the best of horrific circumstances clumsily, through utilitarian measures stem the blood loss to best of abilities. Reform and abolition are constructively debated, and the dubious history of law enforcement and correction’s formation are fruitfully relayed in what amounts to nearly a master class’s absorption through osmosis, condensed into a remarkably compact pill which if bitter of revelations, encoded into riveting drama and identifiable characters cannot help finding deep pleasure and edification in swallowing.
   Not that the drama is by any means an entirely pleasurable romp of course. In the same tradition as beloved Netflix drama “Orange is the New Black”, while humor (often of the sardonic gallows variety) is frequently present, and deeply moving arcs trace individual actors’ shifting of perspectives and growth over time, there is much obligatory horror and deeply disturbing thought and imagery unavoidable when addressing the intensely traumatic impact of these conventions upon the individuals on both sides of each cage and razor-wired prison wall. On the triggering side, the intake process (envisioned as a choppy ride in the hull of a ship that bears a marked similarity to a slave vessel, appropriately) and vivid descriptions, graphic depictions of gruesome ways mental illness and violence are invariably paired, must become comorbid to the warehousing and isolating framework total institutions naturally precipitate. The figurative embodiment of stigma, resentment, demonizing, judgment, punitive wrath, which the eponymous minotaur frightfully demonstrates, lumbering about breathing raggedly in a deep booming voice bathed in red spotlight, hovering about the audience—right next to me that night incidentally, visibly feeding off, apparently sensing my discomfort—is quite an unnerving if ingenious device, as is its framing as a fictional construct and cognitive distortion, whose slaying equates to the integral imperative our generation has, to as May ’68 Parisian revolt protestors coined the expression, ‘kill the cop in your head’.
   In tracing the rippling butterfly wings of the justice system outward across the lives of those many affected, even into workplace break rooms of shaken family members quite captivatingly, examining the gradation through a vast assortment of lenses (including therapists, nurses, and educators working in the prison setting and every variety of imaginable offender, with a memorable indigenous perspective) the production, while tightly packed and without discernible gristle, is necessarily comprehensive. I’m thankful to have voted for Omar twice as scuttlebutt was she implored parking enforcement to cut us attendees slack for that opening night; the two-hour lot across the street we were parked in for at least three we were fortunate not to have been ticketed or towed from, in the turned pumpkin period the vehicle remained for. When parking, keep that in mind to avoid your own undesirable brushes with the taint of those selfsame tentacles examined insightfully throughout this opus.
   On the other hand, the “Labyrinth and the Minotaur” also contains an equal quantity of downright uplifting and encouraging moments, ideas and auguring of inspiring possibility and growth as a culture and civilization. From watching one character who at first glance, snap offhand judgment the audience may dismiss as irredeemable caricature evolve profoundly from reactionary tendencies into informed advocate through education and exposure to new ideas (the essential Malcolm quote, “Don’t be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn’t do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn’t know what you know today”, sprung immediately to mind) I actually got significantly verklempt there. And the final rousing musical number (including a recording of current actual detainees singing, reminiscent of Huddie Ledbetter’s chain gang canticles), as well as the recurring song throughout which like the leitmotif of following Ariadne’s thematic string to liberation speaks of ‘flying a kite’—that is, sending a message either for aid or support, moral and immediate or legislative and far-reaching—one will be hard-pressed not to get deeply moved by.
   The production is further energized and imbued with weighty, meaningful authenticity through employing a cast split down the middle, at least half of which are composed of individuals with direct, first-hand experience in different aspects of the penal system, from inmates to personnel from all stages of the presumed rehabilitation process. Like many of the greatest independent films, the utilization of many naturalistic performers without the pretense and polish of heavy formal training, in this case ones with deeply personal connections to and interest in the material, creates a highly potent mixture which makes for a stage positively crackling with urgency and firm rooting in real-world concerns that a theatergoer rarely finds in so raw and unadulterated a form.
   Upon entering the historic playhouse, the viewers also were invited to each put a stone of a different shading into a transparent jar. Their choice of coloration, which each audience member selected, anonymously allowed them to self-report and divulge, represent their personal relation to the subject matter, and as they accumulated, at a glance observe how prevalent the role of incarceration was in their own community, among the peers they shared the playhouse with, supporting the mission of the play to draw attention, enhance visibility of something too often treated as the living room elephant, blind-eyed and unnoticed. Indeed, at first look across the packed (sold out) opening night in the theater one would certainly never have guessed how many of those present had been personally impacted by mass incarceration, either through individual affliction by its shackles, vicariously via supporting family or friends, or toiling in many cases quite nobly as advocates for those beset, striving to be exceptional, ameliorative cogs in an imperfect machine, to alleviate unnecessary sufferings and mitigate inescapable troubles, provide the lubricating oil to accelerate detainees’ return into good standing and relationships with government and general public.
The Minotaur and Labyrinth is a masterful endeavor it behooves every citizen and Minneapolitan to have the courage and open-mindedness to experience and meditate thoughtfully upon. Particularly as our city finds itself in the global spotlight, setting the pace and shaping a new, innovative narrative regarding the optimal role of government in a person’s life, and following an unprecedented period of unrest and exacerbated instability and isolation, with its symptomatic issues, eruptions of mental health flare-ups, conflicts over resources, anxious and depressive ideation in response to pervasive environmental discomforts, in such a challenging and strained setting these issues beg the most contemplative consideration and concerted efforts to improve and re-envision to best support and reflect the values and objectives of our modern democracy. This play provides a powerful tool and guide toward navigating these thorny mandates, worth viewing while you can during its remaining performances between May 13 and 22 of this year.
~

Editor's note: Though the performance dates for this show have passed, we still encourage readers to support local artists and their work. Linked here is the Mixed Blood Theatre's website if you would like information about their current and future performances.

]]><![CDATA[The People's Proposal for New and Improved Traffic Signs]]>Sun, 15 May 2022 17:00:00 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/the-peoples-proposal-for-new-and-improved-traffic-signswritten and illustrated by Clair Willden and Haley Parson

If you or someone you love has ever driven a car, odds are that you’re familiar with the traditional road signs. Yield. Stop. 90 Minute Parking. No Passing Zone. But don’t you get tired of the familiar?

Here at Sad Goose, we’ve come up with a proposal for 15 new road signs to spice up your driving experience. Help us contact YOUR lawmakers and make the road a more bitchin’ space.

]]><![CDATA[THE Definitive Fanfiction Generator]]>Mon, 28 Mar 2022 18:37:08 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/the-definitive-fanfiction-generatorwritten through a collaborative effort by the editors and migratory contributors

]]><![CDATA[The REAL Seven Themes of Renaissance Art]]>Thu, 10 Mar 2022 20:00:00 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/the-real-seven-themes-of-renaissance-artwritten and compiled by Elle Olson

If you’re like me and you’ve taken a few too many undergrad courses in art history, you may think you know a thing or two about Renaissance art. Your professors may have told you that there are seven major characteristics of art during the Renaissance. Ideas like Humanism, naturalism, perspective, and a tentative new interest in *gasp* non-religious themes made their debut during this time and apparently changed the evolution of art forever.
Now, forget all that other smarty-pants nonsense. Below are the ACTUAL seven themes and characteristics of Renaissance artwork that you WON’T learn in school, complete with photographic evidence.

1. Bad Animals

For an artistic climate that put so much emphasis on naturalism, I don’t think these people had ever laid eyes on a dog. Or a cow. Or a sheep. Or a cat. Or a bird. Or-you get the picture. Though maybe life really does imitate art. But then again, I sure hope not.

2. The Annunciation

The Annunciation is the title given to the biblical event of Mary being informed of her future as the Mother of Christ. (REAL!! immaculate conception NOT CLICKBAIT!!!) Why these European men were so into painting a young woman being told by angelic strangers that she’s about to be a pregnant virgin is something that has puzzled me for millennia. Now, the answer can elude you as well.

3. The Christ Child (?)

Chronologically, this one makes the most sense to be next. We’ve already seen the high-effort vlog of a pregnancy test so why do we also have to witness the unsettling visage of the progeny from such divine intervention? I don’t have the answer to this either, I’m just as confused as all of you. Please stop showing me beefy, ugly, godly babies.

4. Pietàs

This one is just cruel. Renaissance artists really just said they were gonna put this mother’s grief on display and by golly, they were gonna capitalize on it. The Madonna is shown in varying degrees of anguish, but regardless of how sad she looks or doesn’t look, maybe we should’ve left these in the drafts, huh guys? Out of respect? No? Okay sure.

5. Graphic Depictions of the Plague

On the broader scope of the Renaissance obsession with tragedy, these kooky little dudes sure painted a lot of scenes of horrific illnesses ravaging humanity. I guess when over half the European population fell victim to the Black Death, society doesn’t really have a choice.

6. Nakey Venus !

Did you ever wanna see the human iconography for love and beauty without any clothes on? Well, you’re in luck! Renaissance artists loved to paint the Goddess of Love, Venus, adorned in nothing but her heavenly birthday suit. Some artists more than others (*cough* I’m looking at you, Titian *cough*cough*)

7. Feet Pics

This one hardly needs an explanation. Feet pics have been a staple of the human condition for as long as we have been making art. However, due to the nature of today’s economy, I’m not even really sure I should show these next examples without charging the viewer a fee first. No free feet pics and whatnot.

There you have it. The seven characteristics of Renaissance art, summarized and compiled for your convenience. Don’t you feel more culturally learned already? I mean really, who needs Academia when you can find real, true, correct information from us here at Sad Goose instead? You now have priceless, meaningful art knowledge locked away in your lil noggin, all without paying a dime. Go bring up f***ing Titian to make yourself seem sophisticated at opera dinner parties and the like so that you- hold on, I lied, I’ve been informed by a disembodied whisper that it’ll cost you $8,425. Feel free to wire the funds to my venmo @[REDACTED. Anyway, thanks so much, tootles!

]]><![CDATA[The 12 Worst States]]>Mon, 28 Feb 2022 23:00:00 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/the-12-worst-stateswritten by Clair Willden

One time, my mother and I were driving through Idaho and she spent the entire fourish hours we were in the state ragging on it. But who can blame her? Some states are undeniably worse than all the others. I've researched tirelessly and finally can present to you my findings: The Definitive Ranking of the 12 Worst States

]]><![CDATA[Valentine’s Gifts for Your Sworn Enemies]]>Mon, 14 Feb 2022 16:30:00 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/valentines-gifts-for-your-sworn-enemieswritten by Clair Willden

Every year, journalists and other writers on the web trip over themselves to write listicle after listicle about the perfect Valentine’s gift to get your lover. I’m not interested in that. I’m good at getting gifts for my lovers. The true gift-giving conundrum comes in the form of my enemies. How do I let my foes, my truly enraging, my most deeply despised, my least beloveds know the depth of my loathing?

Fear not! What follows is a list of Valentine’s gifts to let those people know exactly what their place is in your life.

Do you have an enemy who just won’t stop bullying you on Twitter? Do you get “ratio’d” every time you tweet? Then do yourself and your enemy a favor and gift them this beautiful “Cease and Desist.” Handcrafted by lawyers and personally signed by you, this will be sure to let that vile someone know that you want them to shut the fuck up–preferably forever!

Are you more traditional? Do you and your enemy write tense, insult-riddled letters back and forth? Then look no further than this historical duel challenge! Simply send your enemy this duel challenge to meet them on the banks of the river at dawn or brand them a coward in front of all your mutual society friends. They’re sure to know you care about them now–enough to even kill them!

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “But Sad Goose, I have a more literary enmity with my foe. There’s simply too much tension for us to resolve it with a duel or a cease and desist!” We have a solution for you, too. This Valentine’s Day, consider getting injured in front of your enemy so they have no choice but to homoerotically bandage your wound. As they tenderly apply alcohol to the affected area and make sure to touch you even gentler when you flinch, maybe you’ll discover that beneath your hatred lies something….more….

If you, like many of our contributors, are an Academic™, then you might have an intellectual enemy. For situations like this, we recommend gifting your enemy a well-researched rebuttal to their recent publication. After all, they claim to respect “good research,” right? Give them a taste of what actual good research looks like.

Finally, and perhaps most appropriate to our Valentine theme, you may have an enemy who used to be your lover or friend with benefits or whatever else you people call each other these days. To these people, why not try giving the gift of a hard block. Now I don’t mean some petty soft-block bullshit. I don’t mean block them for a week and then relent or block them on Twitter but watch their story on Instagram. Hit that block button from both your main and side Twitters, Instas and Finstas, Facebooks and Snapchats. Give your reviled ex the gift of a hard block and give yourself the peace of mind that comes with knowing they can no longer hate-stalk you on your socials.

]]><![CDATA[How To: Survive the SuperBowl When You Don't Know Shit About Football]]>Sun, 13 Feb 2022 00:22:36 GMThttps://sadgoosecoop.weebly.com/posts/how-to-survive-the-superbowl-when-you-dont-know-shit-about-footballwritten by Vanessa Rickertsen

So you’ve been invited (or perhaps are being dragged along as a plus one) to a Superbowl party but don’t know a damn thing about football. While you may be tempted to pull out a flimsy excuse not to attend, Superbowl parties are quite frankly some of the most enjoyable social events I have ever been to and rarely cease to provide you with some level of entertainment. While these parties may vary in caliber and flavor, I have compiled a list of ways to make the most of a Superbowl party if you don’t understand the mainstage event. In this article, I provide both tips for both surviving and highlighting the various spectacles provided at Superbowl parties!

Okay, let’s first address the elephant in the room: the football game itself. This may be the most intimidating part of the party, but fear not; you don’t actually need to know anything about football! To start, you need to pick a team to cheer for. I have 3 primary strategies for this:

Aesthetics. My personal favorite. Pick a team for completely arbitrary reasons like team colors, mascots, the prettiest players, logos, jersey designs.
Go with the flow. Pick the team that the most people are cheering for. Or whoever the host is cheering for if there is a fairly even split of fans.
Contrarian. Pick the team the least attendees are cheering for. Fun option if you like to low key cause a scene!

When it comes to cheering, just join along anytime someone cheering for the same team as you cheers. Act disappointed anytime they act disappointed. (If you have chosen the contrarian option for your team, simply react in opposition to the crowd!) You can also take cues from the crowd shots from the actual game. It is also acceptable to be heavily enough under the influence to not follow along with the game at all, if that is something you enjoy (you can also fake it if you want, no one can tell anyway)!

Protip for engaging/starting conversation with those who actually know football: Twitter is your friend! Just go check out the inevitably trending tags, find a tweet with some reasonable traction and say “Someone one on twitter just said _____” and someone who actually cares about football will likely have some sort of response that you simply need to nod along to.

Now that the pesky football part is out of the way, let’s get to some of my favorite parts of a Superbowl party!

Food & Drinks. Most people know this is the main draw of Superbowl parties, as it rightly should be. Take full advantage of this! Let yourself indulge and don’t be shy (LOOKING AT YOU, MIDWESTERNERS). Get that 4th serving of chips and salsa. Take the last finger sandwich. Finish off the punch. Hosts despise having leftovers anyway, so you are actually doing them a favor!

Commercials & Halftime. Let’s be real, people are rarely talking about the actual game the next day. Don’t be afraid to be overly invested in the other entertainments the broadcast has to offer. They don’t spend millions on those ad spots for nothing! So make sure to roast the shit out of those ads and the absurdity of capitalism. Halftime shows are rarely mediocre (except maybe that one time Coldplay performed), so stay tuned in for what might be an incredible feat or an absolute trainwreck!

Social time. The Superbowl provides a unique social opportunity that is on the same scale as holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas with far less commitment and formality (and an earlier bedtime than New Years!), so let yourself enjoy that. If you are at a party with peers, enjoy just vibing for the evening. If you are at a party with children, I recommend sneaking off to hang out with them for a while. As they often are unsupervised at Superbowl parties, this is a great chance to relish in the childhood joy that is explored when they are left to their own devices. Bonus points for being the fun adult who (safely and mostly responsibly) helps them engage in some mischief. All in all, Superbowl parties are a chance to enjoy the company of family and friends!

This Superbowl, I hope you are able to not only survive but thrive at your party! Don’t discount what this iconic American holiday has to offer just because you don’t know how the silly little ball game works!

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