How To: Survive the SuperBowl When You Don't Know Shit About Football

written by Vanessa Rickertsen

​So you’ve been invited (or perhaps are being dragged along as a plus one) to a Superbowl party but don’t know a damn thing about football. While you may be tempted to pull out a flimsy excuse not to attend, Superbowl parties are quite frankly some of the most enjoyable social events I have ever been to and rarely cease to provide you with some level of entertainment. While these parties may vary in caliber and flavor, I have compiled a list of ways to make the most of a Superbowl party if you don’t understand the mainstage event. In this article, I provide both tips for both surviving and highlighting the various spectacles provided at Superbowl parties!

Okay, let’s first address the elephant in the room: the football game itself. This may be the most intimidating part of the party, but fear not; you don’t actually need to know anything about football! To start, you need to pick a team to cheer for. I have 3 primary strategies for this:

• Aesthetics. My personal favorite. Pick a team for completely arbitrary reasons like team colors, mascots, the prettiest players, logos, jersey designs.
• Go with the flow. Pick the team that the most people are cheering for. Or whoever the host is cheering for if there is a fairly even split of fans.
• Contrarian. Pick the team the least attendees are cheering for. Fun option if you like to low key cause a scene!

​When it comes to cheering, just join along anytime someone cheering for the same team as you cheers. Act disappointed anytime they act disappointed. (If you have chosen the contrarian option for your team, simply react in opposition to the crowd!) You can also take cues from the crowd shots from the actual game. It is also acceptable to be heavily enough under the influence to not follow along with the game at all, if that is something you enjoy (you can also fake it if you want, no one can tell anyway)!

​Protip for engaging/starting conversation with those who actually know football: Twitter is your friend! Just go check out the inevitably trending tags, find a tweet with some reasonable traction and say “Someone one on twitter just said _____” and someone who actually cares about football will likely have some sort of response that you simply need to nod along to.

Now that the pesky football part is out of the way, let’s get to some of my favorite parts of a Superbowl party!

Food & Drinks. Most people know this is the main draw of Superbowl parties, as it rightly should be. Take full advantage of this! Let yourself indulge and don’t be shy (LOOKING AT YOU, MIDWESTERNERS). Get that 4th serving of chips and salsa. Take the last finger sandwich. Finish off the punch. Hosts despise having leftovers anyway, so you are actually doing them a favor!

Commercials & Halftime. Let’s be real, people are rarely talking about the actual game the next day. Don’t be afraid to be overly invested in the other entertainments the broadcast has to offer. They don’t spend millions on those ad spots for nothing! So make sure to roast the shit out of those ads and the absurdity of capitalism. Halftime shows are rarely mediocre (except maybe that one time Coldplay performed), so stay tuned in for what might be an incredible feat or an absolute trainwreck!

Social time. The Superbowl provides a unique social opportunity that is on the same scale as holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas with far less commitment and formality (and an earlier bedtime than New Years!), so let yourself enjoy that. If you are at a party with peers, enjoy just vibing for the evening. If you are at a party with children, I recommend sneaking off to hang out with them for a while. As they often are unsupervised at Superbowl parties, this is a great chance to relish in the childhood joy that is explored when they are left to their own devices. Bonus points for being the fun adult who (safely and mostly responsibly) helps them engage in some mischief. All in all, Superbowl parties are a chance to enjoy the company of family and friends!

This Superbowl, I hope you are able to not only survive but thrive at your party! Don’t discount what this iconic American holiday has to offer just because you don’t know how the silly little ball game works!